


Free of This World

by imamotherfuckingstarlord



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, anime - Fandom, aot
Genre: AOT Week, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), levi simp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29259963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imamotherfuckingstarlord/pseuds/imamotherfuckingstarlord
Summary: Levi believes anyone he cares about ends up dead - are you any different?
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman x Reader - Relationship, Levi/Reader, captain levi x reader, levi x reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 57





	Free of This World

It was a repeated nightmare, every single person he had come to care about, always ended up bloodied in front of him - it seemed, you were no different. This was why Levi pushed you away, at least tried to but you were a persistent little bug who insisted he was the light she wanted to go after. He had to give it to you, it took many years but somehow you found a way into his heart.

Now, he was paying the price. 

All the happiness he had obtained, the little laughs shared in his private quarters or fond glances on the field. He’d watch in awe as you glided in the air with the others and something he hadn’t felt in a long time overcame him. He needed to protect you, at all cost. It had been an underlying factor in everything the squad did, of course main objectives always came first but looking out for you was a close second. There were plenty of times he broke his own rules to make sure you came home with him and while many knew, none spoke a word of it out loud. 

They knew better.

“We need a damn medic,” he growled, motioning Armin over. “Put pressure on the wound.”

He did as he was told, holding back tears as you cried out in agony before passing out. You were on the ground, one of the smaller titans had gotten a hold of you. Levi was on it in seconds but the damage was done. You had been thrown to the ground, landing on a pile of rubble. A piece of scrap metal from a roof caused a gash across your abdomen, not counting all the bones you most likely had broken.

“We need to take her back, I can dress the wound temporarily, but she’s going to need serious medical care…”

“I know,” Levi murmured, lifting your bottom up a bit so he could slip a piece of cloth around your waist. “Go help Eren and the others clear the breach. The plan must go on, I’ll take her back on my horse. It will be faster that way.”

Armin hesitated. “Sir, she’s bleeding out. Even on horse, at this rate….”

Levi glared at the young man - if Armin only knew how many people he had lost over the years. All the friends, his comrades, Erwin, and now it seemed you were destined to make the list. “I need to try, now help me get her on the horse.”

Levi climbed onto his horse, instructing Armin to place you on his lap. Doing as he was told, he helped secure you onto his captain’s arms. He stood in awe for a moment; Levi looked strong willed as he held your body against his with one hand, while the other took the reins. Before Armin could wish him luck, the horse took off. 

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Never in his life had he rode a horse so fast, he almost felt bad for the animal but all he could do was think about you and the life the two of you had made together. An emptiness came over him as he raced forward, all he needed to do was get to the next wall entrance; from there it would be a short ride to an infirmary. The wind hit his face harshly but all he could feel was a sense of hopelessness. He had endured so much pain through loss but if he had to lose you - he would truly break. 

_“I never took you to be someone who stared longingly, Levi."_

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_Levi placed his cup of tea down and turned to Erwin, his face serious as always. “I’m not staring longingly.”_

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_Erwin shifted in his seat and looked in the direction that had his friend’s attention. You were sitting alone at the table directly across from theirs, reading a book and drinking tea. The commander chuckled lightly and pushed away his own cup._

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_“I’ve known you all these years, Levi. I don’t think I have ever witnessed you take an interest in anyone else.”_

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_Levi looked at you, catching your eye, his body seized as you smiled at him before going back to your book. Erwin laughed and patted his back roughly, before getting up from his seat._

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_“You should go over and talk to her, Y/N’s a very kind woman.”_

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_None of that really matters, is what Levi wanted to say but didn’t. There were things that were meant to be left unsaid, thoughts only he could hear that would keep him up at night or sting when he saw a group of young comrades together. He wouldn’t want to burden you with those thoughts or bring you into his life just so you could end up dead like the rest._

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_“I’m fine being alone,” is all he said, eyes on you. “I’m perfectly fine.”_

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The horse galloped through the ruined streets, scouts surrounded the place as they helped civilians reach the gates of the wall but Levi paid no attention. His heart raced as he held you tight, the strength in his arms firm and aching; his body was tired from all the fighting but he pushed the pain aside. Within minutes, he reached the gates and hollered for the commanding scouts to let him pass. Recognizing his face and the intensity in his eyes, they let him pass without question.

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_Good, I made decent time_ , he thought as he whipped the reins. _She’s going to make it._

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He looked down at the wound, the white cloth was stained red. Levi’s heart dropped but he didn’t let it deter him. Shouting, he urged the horse forward. 

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_“Captain Levi, mind if I join you?"_

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_Levi glanced up from the report he was reading, you stood there with a cup of tea and a soft smile on your face. His eyes stared for a moment before he nodded and you thanked him, taking a place across the table from him. He shuffled away the paper and pulled his tea forward, lifting the coaster with it._

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_“Commander Erwin wanted me to let you know I’ll be transferring to your squad. He wants me to help with training the new recruits, I heard they were especially promising.”_

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_“I see,” he said calmly but inside he was cursing his friend. “I’m glad to have your support.”_

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_Grinning, you brought out a book from your bag and placed it on the table. “Do you mind if I read? This break between training sessions and meetings is the only time I get to read.”_

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_“Of course.”_

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_Feeling at ease, you started to read where you left off, occasionally taking sips from your tea. Levi went back to reading the reports but every so often, he’d steal a look. Your face was hilariously relaxed as you read, facial expressions ranged from shocked to tranquility. It actually made him smile, which surprised him and after a few minutes, the silence between you felt easy and comfortable._

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That’s how things started, little by little, you edged your way into his daily life and while he was standoffish in the beginning, you broke him down. Erwin was correct, you were a kind person but also quick witted, silly, and adventurous. When you’d walk into a room, it seemed like the whole place had been brightened but Levi found over time, that might have been just how he felt. It was his feelings emerging to the surface for the first time because of the way you looked at him or smiled or laughed. Anyone of those things directed at him, felt like a personal gift from you and now, as he rode to save your life, he wondered if he was destined to live alone forever.

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_“I love you, Levi,” you whispered, fists clenched at your uniform jacket. He stood in front of you, in disbelief. How could anyone love someone like him? He was clearly battered and bruised, inside and out. There was nothing redeemable about him, so why was someone so light and pure like you, offering up their love to him?_

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_“No, you don’t.”_

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_Your eyes narrowed, lifting a hand to slap him clear on the face. Levi didn’t even flinch as you shook your head and grabbed him by the shoulder. Staring at him, you leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, it wasn’t your first kiss but it felt just as delicate. Hands moving to his face, you kissed him harder and when you finally pulled away from him, you just smiled._

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_“You don’t get to decide my feelings, you always said to have no regrets. This is me making sure I don’t.”_

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_Levi sighed, but reached for your hand and gave it a tight squeeze. His eyes softened as they looked into yours and he smirked. “I love you too.”_

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The horse came to a rough stop, but Levi made little time giving orders to the scouts outside the infirmary. He demanded for them to help you off the horse, barking at them to be careful as he got off the horse. “I don’t care what the doctor is doing, he sees her now.”

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“Yes, sir!”

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Levi followed as the two scouts rushed you to the infirmary, his fists in tight balls as his boots hit the pavement. A few people attempted to stop him to ask about the wall breach but he waved them off and followed the scouts carrying you. You were taken into a large room, several beds were placed alongside a wall. Levi watched as they gently placed you down as one of the nurses rushed out to get the doctor. Two other medical staff started to work on you, working their way to the large gash. When he saw that the bleeding hadn’t stopped, his heart sank and a sudden urge to scream came over him. 

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Instead, he approached the end of the bed and stared down at you. Your body looked limped and his heart aching as his eyes started to water but he held it together. He firmly asked nurses to step aside for a moment, they objected but he glared them down and both obliged.

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Levi moved to your side and took your hand, leaning his body forward over yours. His eyes closed for a moment as a tear fell onto your cheek. He quickly brushed it away and moved down to kiss you on the forehead. 

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“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered, voice choking up as he kissed you on the lips. _God, I don’t want to let you go_ , he screamed in his head, but his heart knew better. “But if you need to go, then go. Be free from this world.”

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“Captain, the doctor is here.”

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Levi regained his composure and stood up. “I’ll get out of your way then.”

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The horse was famished, Levi had filled up two buckets of water. Now he sat and watched the animal, both of them existing in a cruel world. Negative thoughts filled his mind, waiting for the inevitable to happen. The doctor would send someone to give him the news of your passing, he was mentally preparing for it as his body ached. He was growing tired as the day went by, wondering how the others were doing - having faith that Armin and the lot of brats would get things done. 

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“Captain Levi…”

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There it is, he thought, drawing his eyes away from the horse to the scout staring at him nervously. “The doctor is asking for you.”

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Levi stood up, surprised to hear that the doctor would be the one to give the news. He followed the scout back to the infirmary, each step forward brought him closer to the heartbreak he knew would be his undoing. Yet, he kept forward and when he walked into the room, his eyes went straight to your bed.

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The whole room went warm, his heart wept in disbelief.

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Your eyes were open and you were listening to something the doctor was saying, slowly nodding your head. The door behind him closed and made a loud enough sound to steal your attention from the doctor. Instantly, you began to cry, reaching out a hand to Levi.

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He rushed to your side and took it, thanking the nurse when she brought over a chair to him. Sitting down, he listened as the doctor explained that you were going to need months of recovery. “She’s going to be staying here, it’s too risky to transfer her closer to your station, but she’s going to be just fine.”

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Levi stood up and thanked the man properly, watching as both the nurses and him left the room. It was then, when the two of you were fully alone, that he let go. He collapsed down onto the chair, holding your hand as he bowed his head to hide the tears. You had been the only person to ever see him cry and as his shoulder shook, you said his name.

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“Levi…”

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He glanced up, eyes red. “I’m no good for you, do you see now?”

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Shaking your head, you tugged at his hand. “No regrets, remember? We live with the consequences of our actions, knowing we did what we needed to. If it wasn’t for you, that titan would have killed me. You saved me, Levi. You did what you needed to get me here.”

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He closed his eyes for a moment, bringing your hand to his lips; he kissed your knuckles and nodded. “I left those brats alone…”

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“They have Hange and are more than capable - they are your brats, remember that.”

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Levi sighed then and agreed, kissing your knuckles once more before asking how you were feeling. “I thought I lost you.”

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“I’m not that easy to get rid of,” you joked. “Plus, I just wasn’t ready to be free of this world…”

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His mouth pulled into a knowing smirk - it seemed you had heard what he said to you. At that moment, he didn't want to let you go but it wasn’t about him. He just wanted you to be free of the pain, even if it meant leaving him for good. That’s what love was, he realized; it was about loving someone in all their glory and failure, loving them for their faults and brightness. 

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It wasn’t about the quantity of time, but the quality of love. 

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Levi was willingly to let you go, knowing he’d carry you in his heart forever but fate had a different idea. Maybe tomorrow would bring tragedy, maybe his time would come before yours - he wasn’t quite certain what life would bring but he was going to move forward as he always did. 

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Carrying those he lost with him and leaving nothing to regret. 

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“I love you,” he said, giving you a smile. “I love you terribly.”

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Your body felt immense pain but hearing those words from Levi numbed it into oblivion. It was like a gift no one else had ever received, it felt that way each time he said it to you. Words from a man like him, they felt heavy and forever - they brought you true happiness and you knew he felt the same about you. Holding back tears, you held his hand and smiled.

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“I love you too.”

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